~MoO MoO~: 3rd entry of the day~ Wow~

Monday, January 17, 2005

Hmm... 3rd entry for the day. Quite a miracle considering the fact that i once neglected my blog for 4 months. Goes to show the kind of emotional see saw i have been going through these few days. Sighz... if only man could control his emotions or not have it at all.
Btw, called him today in the afternoon cos i thought i had a missed call from him. Apparently i was wrong and he didn't call me. Wishful thinking on my part i guess. Well, he called back to ask why i called but we didn't talk for very long. Guess i wasn't really in the mood to talk. I was just trying very hard to hold back my tears cos i was really too upset with him for what he has or has not done. Anyway, he sounded like he still cared about me and that he had something on his mind and he asked me to give him a call tonight to talk.
I just ended lessons 15 mins ago, saw him online and asked if he's solved the problem he had with his paintshop. He didn't respond. After that i got angry and i just told him that i gtg. THEN, he responded. Sighz~ this really shows a lot doesn't it? Shows that he COULDN'T BE BOTHERED to reply to my message earlier cos he didn't wanna talk. Hmm.. once again, he expects me to understand that yea? Well, i'm afraid i don't and that has just made me more upset with him. What stupid attitude was that? He presumes that he can do anything he likes without even considering my feelings yea? I'm afraid he's presumed wrongly. What he did was extremely selfish and i don't think i will ever be able to understand that. Sighz` Oh well, that doesn't really matter anymore does it? Now what i have to think about is whether i should do what he asked and call him to talk tonight. I think he and i really need to talk to iron out certain issues but yet at the same time, i'm worried that he will tell me things that i don't wanna hear. Even if he says things i wanna hear, should i believe what he's saying? I don't wanna feel like a young girl who's gullible and easily coaxed by his honey-ed words again. That's the way i feel whenever he manages to convince me to change my mind on certain things. Obviously running away and not talking to him is much easier on me but i don't want this to drag on anymore. How long can i run away from this? If i continue to run, i will simply be subjecting myself to more emotional torture but if i don't, i dunno if i tolerate thinking about myself as an extremely gullible girl to him anymore. Sighz~ to call or not to call? Sighz~ shall decide only after i'm done with my MA readings. Work's more impt than him and it helps shut out all these emotions too...
*Takes out MA textbook*

YYY